If there is one question about queer sex that can never get a consensus, it’s scissoring. Even lesbians, the official representatives of the sex act, cannot seem to agree on it. So is scissoring real? Does it even feel good? Who actually does it? 

Let's start with the basics. Scissoring, tribbing/tribadism, and frotting are all terms to describe the rubbing together of genitals, or genitals on another part of the body (e.g. pubic bone, hip, thigh, butt cheeks). The terms tribbing and scissoring have conventionally been associated with women who sleep with other women, and frotting with men who sleep with other men, but the terms can describe any combination of genders and parts. While the term scissoring is more well-known than tribbing, they are often used interchangeably, as the exact distinction between them can be murky. Technically, tribbing is a broader term that describes the act of rubbing genitals to another person’s body parts, whereas scissoring describes a specific position. However, some scissoring positions don’t create direct contact of genitals, and some genital-to-genital tribbing positions don’t necessarily create the iconic scissor shape of interwoven legs—more on this in the section on positions.

BUT IS IT REAL?

Well, yes, of course. There is no reason for it not to be real. Creating friction against the genitals is very pleasurable for a lot of people, and if you can do it on each other’s bodies, then why not? 

WHY DO PEOPLE SAY IT IS NOT REAL?

One reason for the doubt might be the fact that scissoring is an extremely popular theme in mainstream porn, which often displays fake enjoyment and is often performed for the “male gaze”, thus it cannot be trusted to reflect what people with vulvas actually enjoy. For people with vulvas, these videos can also cast doubt on how it could be pleasurable at all, with many videos exhibiting a sort of dry “bumping” or “slamming”, rather than smooth waves of (lubricated) back-and-forth hip movements. 

Another reason for doubt is the myth that it requires “contortionism” or a high level of flexibility. It does not. If you can lie on your back or your side with your legs spread at least 45 degrees, then you can likely get into a position for scissoring. Alternatively, many positions allow for tribbing on other parts of the body (which I will talk more about later).

Even people who have figured out the positions express doubts about the pleasurability of scissoring. Because of stereotypes about lesbians and the spotlight that scissoring gets in “lesbian” porn, queer people with vulvas may feel pressure to love scissoring, raising the expectations very high. If scissoring is not your favourite sex act, that is valid, and there are so many others to choose from! If you have only tried it once, I suggest trying it again. It can take several tries with a particular partner to find what works for both of you.

Tip: try out different scissoring positions in a silly, playful, low-pressure manner. Sometimes it’s best to remove the expectations and just play around until something feels good. It may surprise you when you least expect it!

The bottom line: scissoring doesn’t work for everyone physically, and not everyone likes it, but that does not mean it isn’t real. In fact, according to one 2015 survey by Autostraddle, over 40% of the 8,556 lesbian, bisexual, or queer women reported scissoring regularly.

TOYS

Hands-Free Toys like the Chorus or Sync-O are an excellent way to increase the pleasure of scissoring. One person can insert the internal end of the toy, and position the external vibrations where it feels good. The other person can lower themselves onto the vibrator, controlling the pressure and intensity for both people. 

Wands are perfect for scissoring because of their long handles. You just place the head of the wand between your genitals while you’re in the scissoring position of choice, and easily hold on to the long handle. If you don’t vibe with strong wands, the Lelo Smart Wand Medium is a great option because it has the benefits of the wand shape but has the strength of a smaller clitoral vibrator.

STIs AND LUBE 

If at least one partner has a penis, then wearing a condom can be an effective way to lower the risk of STIs. If there are only vulvas involved, it may not be possible to maintain a consistent/reliable barrier from STI transmission, as a dental dam may slide around with the movement. An effective way to lower the risk of STIs is for all people involved to get tested for STIs regularly, and to have open conversations about STIs with new and existing partners.

It is important to use lube while scissoring. Not only will it increase pleasure but it will also help to avoid chaffing and microtrauma on the sensitive tissue. According to Dr. Jen Gunter, author of The Vagina Bible, STIs enter the body through microscopic abrasions. Making sure any sex act is properly lubricated lowers the risk of microtrauma, which can contribute to a lower risk of transmitting some STIs. 

POSITIONS

“Leg Scissor”

A great position to start with! And the easiest for low flexibility. Essentially one person is lying on top of the other with your legs staggered. Think about the person on top as straddling the bottom’s leg from above, and the bottom straddling the top’s leg from below. Then you can each grind on the other’s thigh! 

“Riding Scissor”

One person lies on their back with one leg on the bed and one leg up in the air. The other person straddles the leg that is on the bed, creating genital-to-genital or genital-to-thigh contact, and holds on to the leg that is in the air. The bottom gets to lie there, and the top gets to move back and forth, controlling the speed, rhythm, and pressure. This position requires the bottom person to be relatively flexible.

“Missionary Scissor”

This position does not require interwoven legs, but it does require some flexibility and strength. The bottom lies on their back and lifts their legs up and backward, allowing them to bend with gravity. This creates a bit of a seat for the top to straddle and grind back and forth. This position can be done either facing each other or facing away from each other. It can be tricky to maintain genital contact in this position, and it may not be comfortable for you. If it’s uncomfortable, simply move on! No need to do something you don’t like. I highly recommend a wand for this position, as its large surface area head will make the position easier by filling some of the space between you.

“Classic Scissor” 

The iconic image of scissoring. I’ll be honest, this one is hard to describe in words. I recommend just trying it out and adjusting until the legs are all in comfortable spots and no one is kicking each other in the face. Essentially, you want to stagger the legs like two pairs of scissors intertwined so that the genitals are making direct contact with each other. Keep in mind that in real life you will bend your legs, even though scissors can’t bend theirs. One variation I recommend trying is where one person is lying on their back with legs spread and bent, and feet flat on the bed (like you’re at the gynecologist). The other person will lie on their side, get one leg over the bottom’s pelvis, and one tucked (bent) underneath themselves. The top can grab onto the nearest leg for stability and leverage. As the top, finding where to put your legs can be the hardest part. Try playing around with each side of the bottom’s body, anchoring your knee on the side you’re facing or anchoring your foot on the side your butt is facing. There is no right or wrong way to do this, and there are infinite micro-adjustments that might make a world of difference. 

For movement, the trick is to start with just one person moving. This keeps the movement contained and makes it easier to pinpoint what feels good. It is also easier to maintain a consistent rhythm this way. The “classic scissor” position makes it such that one of you will be getting side-to-side stimulation and the other will be getting up-and-down stimulation. Experiment to figure out which of you prefers which.

If you’re trying positions and having a hard time getting the right contact and angles, try propping one or both of your butts up on a pillow or sex pillow. I recommend always propping a pillow under one or both of your butts,  trust me, it makes a big difference.

Generally, it can take many tries to get it right, so try different configurations, angles, props, and toys.

Happy scissoring!